Friday, June 18, 2010

Feeling Down!

Last night I put Olivia in the bathtub and she loves it so obviously didn't want to get out. So when I pulled her out by one arm not under the armpit I here two pops and then my daughter started screaming. I yelled for dave and because I was sure I popped her arm out of socket I was scared but her arm wasn't just laying there and she was holding her wrist where I pulled her out. I was freaking out and started driving to the ER. I didn't want to go to the ER since we have been there a million times this month and it may look like I am abusive. So livy was totally happy she just wouldn't let us touch her arm. When we got there we sat in the parking lot trying to decide if we should go and with some phone calls we made to other people we decided to opt out and just see how she does through the night and just get her ice cream which she was totally excited about.

So then there is me. I felt so bad I couldn't believe I did that and should know better but it has been hard for me now to bend down and pick her up and was being lazy. I got home and just bawled because dave and I weren't agreeing upon stuff, I hurt my daughter, my hormones are so out of whack, and I blamed it all on me. I got in the tub and sobbed and sobbed. Dave came in feeling really bad and told me things like this happen don't blame yourself. He also apologized that we were getting mad at each other about the situation and tried to make me feel better. I must say he got me to stop crying but this morning even when I wake up livy and she is using that arm now like nothing happened I still feel horrible and just want to cry that I almost accidentally hurt her. I don't like being a mom right now to many emotions and I love her so much I want nothing bad to harm her. God reassured me and let me know everything will be okay last night but it doesn't make me feel like a bad mom today.


Kristine said...

being a mom is so hard. i know how you are feeling. micah was screaming so much the other night and nothing i did made him stop. and i just felt useless. and it is hard when you feel like that as a mom. i hope that you are feeling better. you are a good mom. dave and livy are lucky to have you.

Kristin said...

I think all moms have these moments and it makes it more difficult when you're pregnant. Every emotions is multiplied by 10. Go here and watch this