Friday, June 18, 2010

Feeling Down!

Last night I put Olivia in the bathtub and she loves it so obviously didn't want to get out. So when I pulled her out by one arm not under the armpit I here two pops and then my daughter started screaming. I yelled for dave and because I was sure I popped her arm out of socket I was scared but her arm wasn't just laying there and she was holding her wrist where I pulled her out. I was freaking out and started driving to the ER. I didn't want to go to the ER since we have been there a million times this month and it may look like I am abusive. So livy was totally happy she just wouldn't let us touch her arm. When we got there we sat in the parking lot trying to decide if we should go and with some phone calls we made to other people we decided to opt out and just see how she does through the night and just get her ice cream which she was totally excited about.

So then there is me. I felt so bad I couldn't believe I did that and should know better but it has been hard for me now to bend down and pick her up and was being lazy. I got home and just bawled because dave and I weren't agreeing upon stuff, I hurt my daughter, my hormones are so out of whack, and I blamed it all on me. I got in the tub and sobbed and sobbed. Dave came in feeling really bad and told me things like this happen don't blame yourself. He also apologized that we were getting mad at each other about the situation and tried to make me feel better. I must say he got me to stop crying but this morning even when I wake up livy and she is using that arm now like nothing happened I still feel horrible and just want to cry that I almost accidentally hurt her. I don't like being a mom right now to many emotions and I love her so much I want nothing bad to harm her. God reassured me and let me know everything will be okay last night but it doesn't make me feel like a bad mom today.

Thursday, June 10, 2010


So our poor daughter in the past three weeks has been bitten by two spiders. I hate spiders and I am so scared of them. The first time we had to take her to the ER because her hand swole up so bad and you can still see where that disgusting spider bit her. The doctor did not help me with telling us how disgusting the spiders mouth is and how much bacteria is in it. It gives me the shivers everytime I think about it. She then ends up getting antibiotics to take by mouth and then the next day went to our doctor and got two shots of an antibiotic in both thighs at the same time. Then today she wakes up from her nap and low and behold her ankle is all swolen up and is blistering just like the other did and she limps wherever she goes. We still have some antibiotic left so we started giving it to her again and benadryl for the swelling to go down. My poor baby but she is such a trooper. So Dave and I spent the afternoon swarming our apartment with spray and cleaning everything out. If we didn't catch the spider by now I have no idea where it was at. We found one in the window in the living room that was pretty big but I don't know if it is poisnous or not who can tell. All I know is insects and arachnids like my daughter to much and I hate them all. I had to suck up my fear though and kill whatever spider I could find for my daughter (dave was really the ones to kill them) which in the end we only found one small one and one pretty good size one. We hope that was it but man they do a lot of damage to you and stress me out that it will get into her blood. I always wonder why god had to make those horrible things.